letters to myself
May 19 2022
A letter to my future self:
Wherever you are, I hope you’re feeling happy, even if it’s not every moment, I hope happiness is seeping through the darkness and reminding you why you love to be alive. I’m anxious to meet you, to become you, because I don’t know what you’ll do or who you’ll be but I know I have both of our hearts guiding the way. I hope that life has unfolded in beautiful ways, ways that surprised you, ways you weren’t expecting, as we’ve learnt, those are always the best kind of journeys. I hope you are finding time to do the things you love, a long walk, writing about whatever thoughts float into that chaotic mind of yours. I hope you’re surrounded by new friends you love, people I don’t yet know the names or faces of, people that strangely mean so much to you while simply do not exist to me right now. I hope homesickness isn’t eating you alive like I’m scared it might and if it is, I hope you’re reminding yourself of your why, I hope you’re reminding yourself of every other time you’ve felt like this and that something beautiful always came after. No rain, no flowers. You can’t live your life in Belmont forever, you were destined for bigger things, physically and metaphorically. Find those moments you’ve only been able to imagine for the last 2 years. A beautiful big view, I'm sure there’s lots of those where you are. Go somewhere new, this is a chapter that will eventually end as all the others have. Enjoy it, find what it means to be who you are right now, name the things that make you happy at the moment and do more of them. Call Mum and tell her you love her and if telling her over the phone will provoke the tears you probably don’t feel like letting shed right now, send her a message. I’m sitting next to her on the train to Sydney right now, she’s beautiful, I’m going to be soaking up this time with her for both me and for you. I love you.
December 22 2022
A letter to my past self:
I wish I could show you how beautiful it was going to be, how painful it was going to be, how exhilarating it was going to be. The only way I can sum it up right now is that it’s everything you were ready for, even if you didn’t know it at the time. I’ve been reading through your journal entries in the build up to moving and they make me laugh. All the things you were worried about worked out fine and in that I feel this sense of relief that one day all the things I’m journalling about, worried about right now, will be looked at by a future me with the same eyes. Bless you, forgetting to trust, haven’t I taught you anything? The new chapter is slowly unfolding, I haven’t found complete steady ground yet, but each day that goes by I’m feeling more and more confident in my ability to do this, to live an extraordinary life. There are parts of you that are still with me that I hoped to leave behind, anxiety being the big one, but we’re getting through it, you know how it is. All the people I’ve met in the last 3 months have been so amazing. All those people you dreamt of spending company with, they’ve fluttered into my life, some for short moments, a new friend sharing your room in a hostel, some a little longer, a new friend in a new city, both of you eager to see what it all has to offer. Shit, I’m just having this realization right now that I am finally living the life I wanted, I’m finally here and it’s so good Holly.. Yes, I miss the family but it doesn’t feel like an empty place inside of me like you worried it would, it’s more a fullness, gratefulness, knowing I have that love wherever I may go. I have seen beautiful things and there is still so many more beautiful things to see and do.How exciting. Thankyou for continuing to work towards this for me, for never letting that dream go, not completely. Life here is hard at times, confusing, emotional and full of surprises, life is also beautiful too.
If you read my blogs and enjoy them, please do reach out and send your love, it is always appreciated. - Holly