here with me
“What’s his name?” “Blue, he’s 14” “They’re so precious at that age aren’t they?” “Yes, he doesn’t have long left so I just savour all the moments I have with him until he leaves me” We both continue admiring the balding Pomeranian. “This probably seems really weird but can I take a photo of him to send to my mum, she’ll think he’s beautiful” “Of course.” I bend down to get the right shot to capture this little guys cuteness in a photo. I open the messenger app on my phone and find my mums name. “This is blue, he’s 14”. I scroll up our chat and see all the other photos I had sent her of cute dogs I’d met that week. She gets just as excited about dogs as I do so I want to share this with her. To miss someone is to wish they were right there beside you.
A man sits outside his kebab shop, encouraging people passing by to buy something to eat. I walk past on a Saturday afternoon as the sun has just set and the sky is warm. “You were here last night weren’t you?” I immediately smirk and open my eyes a little wider as if I’d just been busted. I reluctantly answer. “Yes” the smirk still sat upon my face. “Yes you were, you been drinking, I remember you” he laughs to me. “Guilty as charged”. Yes, only 15 hours ago I sat outside this shop interrogating where on earth my poutine I ordered 4 minutes ago was, head rested on my hands, struggling to keep my eyes open. We continue to laugh a little together when I look to the wall of his shop and notice printed out photos of him with people who were clearly fond of him. “Hey, who’s this good looker?” I point to his face in the photos and smirk at him. He laughs and tells me who the people are on the wall. “This is my son and this is another man who works here.” I pull my film camera out of my backpack. “I want to be on the wall”. We snap a photo together. “I’ll come and show you once I get it developed” “Yes you bring it back here and put it on the wall too”. I have walked past him a few times since and always get the “Heeeeey” with a warm smile to which I return to him. I don’t know his name but I made a friend in him and when I see him, I think of Nicole, one of my closest friends. I know this is the kind of cheekiness she encourages, this is the kind of thing we’d do together, befriend the funny man at the kebab shop. I could message her and tell him about him but it wouldn’t be the same, not the same as if she actually knew him. To miss someone is to wish they were right there beside you.
It is past midnight and my Uber is about 10 minutes from my destination. We cross the Granville Street bridge and I watch the buildings from the Vancouver city roll closer and closer until I am eventually amongst them. It is a slow yet exhilarating moment for me, the car is quiet but my heart is loud. I realize this is the exact spot of a photo I used to look at with determination to one day be there. I lock my phone screen to not get distracted by anything and to just be in this moment. These moments are fleeting, enjoy them while you can. I bask in the joy of achieving my dreams and think of her, the girl who made this happen. The girl who dreamed so much it ached and used that pain as fuel to make it reality. I’m thankful for this moment but this moment is not mine, it is hers. I want to go back and show her, she deserves to see what it was all for, she deserves to know it’s going to be worth it, that she can do it, that she will do it. To miss someone is to wish they were right there beside you.
The only consistency in this life is me and this soul I have carried around to all these places. I face all these new things alone yet I get to feel them with me as I do; my mother, my friends and my past self. It is a painful yet nurturing experience, to feel someone with you when they’re really on the other side of the world, in another time. To miss someone is to wish they were right there beside you.
If you read my blogs and enjoy them, please do reach out and send your love, it is always appreciated. - Holly