the jump

Time has moved since my last blog and I’ve been slowly walking closer and closer to the edge of the cliff, preparing for the jump into my next adventure. At first, it was out of sight, in the distance and just something I talked about doing. It was easy to let those words float out of my mouth, “I’m moving overseas again” and be met with widening eyes as I spoke of my plans, basking in the achievement already in just being able to talk about it, feeling like a special shiny toy from the fascination I’d receive from those who I told. It was nice to look at photos of all the beautiful cities I’d be met with once again, dream of the people I’ll meet to share stories and a joint with on a park bench at 4pm, all while basking in the comfort of my family, of my home. But eventually, I saw the edge. The path I had been continually working on and building with everything I had, had finally lead me to where I wanted it to. I am here. I can’t slow time down, it’s here and it’s time to take the leap. The second I finally step off this ledge, I’ll be free falling into all the wonderful things I have ached for for nearly 3 years, yet there’s still that part of me that is hesitant, thinking of all of the things I’m going to miss. Morning chats with my dad, cuddles to sleep with my dog, hour long baths in my family home, a hug from my mum whenever I need it, walks and talks with Nan, “booping” my nephews nose in hopes of a smile, being here, in this comfort, being home. I move closer to the edge, convincing myself it will be worth it, battling with my own mind.

“Remember why you’re here Holly, you came here to do this.”

“But I don’t know how it feels to dive into this water”

“You’ve jumped off cliffs into new things before, it was always worth it”

“But I’ve never jumped from here. I’ve never taken the same journey to be stood here right now, looking down at the unknown of what I’m about to dive into, what I’m about to become.”

I look around me and see my parents, my friends and all of the things that I viewed as mere stepping stones that actually became a significant part of who I am right here in this moment, tears welling in my eyes, looking to them for something and being met with all the things I need;

“I am so proud of you”

“You should be so proud of yourself”

“You have worked so hard to be here”

“You’re going to do amazing things Holly”.

Filling me with all the words I was forgetting to remind myself of, assuring me I can do it.

I can do it.

I peak over the ledge one last time, step back, take a deep breath, close my eyes, exhale and jump…

If you read my blogs and enjoy them, please do reach out and send your love, it is always appreciated. - Holly